The past few days have been rough, I was getting very emotional, feeling stressed and getting that empty feeling inside. A number of things may have triggered this. The arrival of my parents having them see me, getting a close friend of mine up set with me and the risk of maybe loosing that friend. The way I look how could anybody want to be seen with me. However, my friends said that they see me, the real me, and the person inside. How can they see that when I dont, I know he is in there but when I look in the mirror I see this stranger. All this and no-one to talk to about it. I felt so alone. At times I felt myself feeling lost and empty inside. I want to put all this behind me and get over these treatments as soon as possible, and back to the person I am. The Happy Out Going, Caring, Loving Man that I am and I have a lot of Love to give. I guess I am feeling I will never have that special person to give the love. How could I with the way I look. I have to remind myself this is temporary and I will be back to the Jeff I was -I am. I want everyone to know I WILL. To the people in my life that know this about me and remind me of this daily, THANK YOU, I AM NOT SURE WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT YOU. I am have grateful that I have you all in my life and to accept the love that I can give.
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Hey Jeff.... I just read the last 3 entries in your blog and you had me in tears over here... I can understand how it makes you feel with the things that are happening with your treatment but just keep telling yourself, its temporary, and hey, those things that are happening don't affect the kind of person you are on the inside and your family and friends know that. They dont' judge you by the hairs on your head or any of that other stuff. I'm sure its not an easy thing to go through but I know from talking to my brother that you are a strong person and a loving person and just remember, a true friend is there no matter what, you aren't going to lose them because they know what you are going through. Keep your chin up, I always felt like people woudn't want to be around me because of being morbidly obese but that doesn't change the good hearted, kind and caring and giving person that I am on the inside. It took me a long time to realize it and really the worrying about the other stuff was the way i was feeling about myself, not the way other people were seeing me. You have a friend over here in Fort Myers you can talk to anything you need to talk, cry or just someone to listen. I hope to see you next week, PLEASE!!! Love and hugs, DeAnna
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