Its Almost Over or Is It?

Its been awhile since adding to my blog, most of the reason was not sure if I wanted to add anything negative. However, negative or not I have decided to add to it today.

This past week I had a chemo treatment, this was the next to last one that I will have. I did not get sick, but I did feel out of it and tired for the remainder of the week. I tried to hide the fact that I was not feeling well to my friends and family, I am not sure if I did such a good job of it. However, today I feeling fine and looking forward to my last treatment on February 9th this is 5 days before my 46th birthday.
I also had my regular doctors visit to review my lab work. This was getting me nervous I was told by the oncologist that my viral load and t-cell count would most likely change for the worse. I was not prepared for that at all. I went to my doctors visit and to my surprise all my counts were great, I still had an undetectable viral load and t-cells were still above the danger zone. I was very happy to get this news.
I am very happy that this is almost over and i am looking forward to getting my life back. However, I will always have this feeling of something else may go wrong in my life. I will try to stay positive and hope for the best.

Happy New Year or is It?

Here it is 2009, I am going into the new year with a very positive attitude. I have only two treatments of Chemo left and then it will be all over. I will look at this past year as a test to my ability and being able to cope with things that I am confronted with. However I still wonder is it going to be over, or not. Will the KS be cured and stay away or will it come back? I will have the reminder of the KS for some time after the treatments, and will still have explain to some what I had and went through. I will try to go on with my life as if i had no worries, but to be honest I have not done that since I found out I was HIV positive.
My good friend and I will be hitting the gym full force, and we promised each other to that we will push each other and watch over one another. I was told that I will have my muscle and body weight back and then some in know time. My heart, body and soul is committed to being the man that I was before this all happened. A friend of mine said to me that they were impressed with the way I am handling all this. What my friend does not know is that when I am alone I feel very alone and worry about the KS, and wonder what else could happen to me. I guess I am glad that my worries and concerns don't show to others and I will try to keep it this way. However, I am sure I will have my weak moments and get upset from time to time. I promise to myself, my family and friends that I will be the Happy Outgoing Person in 2009 that I once was, and I plan to stay that way.
I WISH EVERYONE A VERY HAPPY & HEALTHY NEW YEAR, Lets us all ROCK in 2009.